If you dont deal with the issue or the person causing the problem, its like leaving a pot on simmer. Policy. 1. Psychologists call this emotional leakage. So think of problematic coworkers as colleagues with whom you share a problem to be solved. If this person is your supervisor or boss, it might be best to start looking for a new job. This article is excerpted from Amys Gallo book, Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People) (Harvard Business Review Press 2022). They may not know exactly what youre feeling and thinking, but they register underlying tension just the same. But resignation and pessimism will get you nowhere. Franais, EN | Claim your FREE copy: Dealing with Difficult People Discover how to collaborate, negotiate, and bargain with even the most combative opponents with, Dealing with Difficult People, a FREE report from the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School. If you work in an office space together, you can try to literally distance yourself from your difficult co-worker. They were sure that it would be clear to others what they were trying to convey. But if it happens daily, their conduct becomes a pattern. 1. If you hide anger or frustration, the blood pressure of those around you is likely to rise as well. No workplace is without difficult co-workers. They always have an excuse for everything, blaming anything and anyone but themselves. Instead we spend time worrying, react in regrettable ways that violate our values, avoid difficult colleagues, and sometimes even withdraw from work entirely. By making adjustments, you will better connect with a colleague that has a different personality and communication style than your own. Summary. Ultimately youre better off trying to create a workable situation with your colleague now than hoping things will improve if they leave. Yes, you have to pay your bills, but you also have to be a functional, healthy human so its worth exploring your job options. So how can you deal with difficult coworkers? Another way to surprise the bellyacher is to offer a contrasting opinion. I think the fear of disconnection can make us dangerous. When you stop worrying about why a colleague acts the way they do, you can be more productive at work. But if you get a flat tire, you dont fix the problem by slashing the other three tires. And although avoiding them may seem like the best solution, sometimes its just impossible especially when you work in a small department. Often small actions can have a big impact. Would you say the same things or treat that person the same way? You may even ask for their help solving a challenging work issue. You can bring up these boundaries in the discussion and potentially have an office friend or boss make sure theyre enforced. Even if other people know that youre having this conversation, you dont need to involve them in the first discussion. If that doesnt work, be direct. of 10 The Bully vm/E+/Getty Images Do you think that you work with a bully? Say something like: Your comments are really useful. When dealing with difficult people, it can be easy to get heated and upset. What if the situation doesnt get any better? The sloth is particularly frustrating if your own work depends on theirs. If you find someone spreading malicious rumors, remind them that gossiping could hurt someones career and politely ask that they stop. But you might also call it gossip. Cleveland Clinic is a non-profit academic medical center. The never sent out that report to the boss? Use this communication guide with your team and try to approach any conversations with your difficult coworker in their preferred style. Dont be afraid to make it public. Essentially, just let them beat you stay focused on your work and dont let them think that youre competing with them in any kind of way. You can bring your friends or other people into your dilemma either before or after you confront this problematic person, but getting a third opinion is always a good idea. 2023 DeltaQuest Media Limited. Suppressing your emotions doesnt work. ), and you just dont know what to do at this point. The best approach to answering this question: Theres always someone who never shows up on time, who borrows your favorite pen and never gives it back, or is regularly rude to you. 1Lead by example. "I would deal with a difficult co-worker by first making sure I wasn't contributing to the situation in a negative way. We often dislike individuals because they remind us of someone from our past or have qualities we dislike in ourselves. Policy. Another one to avoid: waiting to see if your difficult colleague will just leave on their own. Share the example with the interviewer. In fact, psychologist Susan David writes that suppressing your emotions deciding not to say something when youre upset can lead to bad results. She explains that if you dont express your feelings, theyre likely to show up in unexpected places. We're all human, and a certain amount of complaining can be normal to blow off steam. Think back on whether youve been rude or if you mightve done something to instigate this situation. For instance, if your goal is to avoid getting stuck in long discussions with a pessimistic colleague, youll need to take actions different from those youd take if your goal was to keep the persons nay-saying from bringing down the team. The different types of difficult coworkers include: The office gossip. Also, use the 'I' statement. All Rights Reserved. Or if your pessimistic colleague is going to poke a zillion holes in your ideas, why shouldnt you take them down when they suggest something new? What are your goals? You can do this in one of two ways: first, by simply closing your office door or putting on your headphones (or anything else that will make you look busy) or second, by simply being upfront and telling them youre not a fan of workplace gossip. It raises it. The first step is to approach them directly and professionally. How do you deliver feedback for coworkers and why is it so important? When you strike out with the first tactic (or several tactics) you choose, try something else or reach out for help. There are a lot of rabbit holes that we start to go down as we worry about the workplace we enter on a daily basis.. Learn to voice your thoughts. Most people dont like tension or confrontation, so it probably feels way outside of your comfort zone to set physical and emotional boundaries. The difference is that while you might be able to snub someone at the supermarket, doing so at work could have an impact on your career . Salvador Minuchin, an Argentine therapist, wrote, Certainty is the enemy of change. When dealing with a negative coworker, its easy to think, Its always going to be this way or That person will never change. But there are quite a few tactics that are less productive that we sometimes gravitate toward because we think theyll help us feel better, when in actuality, they often backfire. They usually have a great work ethic but will pick at every little thing from indentation to font size. Difficult employees are a headache for any organization. Instead of spending hours debating whose interpretation is correct, shift your focus to what should happen going forward. He started to picture the conflict between them as a seesaw. The key is learning to deal with them in a way that benefits both you and the organization. Although people do need to take time off work for personal reasons, this type of coworker is a master at abusing the sympathy of others. I would then sit down with them in private to find an amicable way forward. Since they seem passionate about the issue, why not them? Build your coping skills by starting a self-care routine that helps you stay in a healthy mental space. Keep a record of your accomplishments and provide your manager with regular work in progress reports. The more you can have ready for this meeting, the more productive and fruitful it can be. Interpersonal conflicts are common in the workplace, and its easy to get caught up in them. Katie is the COO of a hospitality company. Consider using the STAR method for telling the story. You'll have to use a method called feedback. Neither does starting a flame war. Its best to avoid gossiping if possible. There's nothing more infuriating than someone taking credit for your work. Multiple and more-ambitious goals are OK too. Set up a time to follow up. A related cognitive shortcut that creates problems is confirmation bias, or the tendency to interpret events or evidence as proving the truth of existing beliefs. Ask them whether their behavior is intentional or unintentional. 1. Dont indulge and dont commiserate with them, Dr. Childs advises. Maybe this person doesnt know their behavior is harming people. You could say something like: Hey Barry, Ive been trying to get hold on you on [x project] to make sure you received my email and paid [x client]. This could mean reworking your office layout so your desk faces a different direction or capitalizing on an opportunity to relocate to an empty cubicle down the hall. Refer to your goals before interacting with your colleague to keep your eyes on the prize. Dealing with difficult colleagues is an inevitable part of professional life. Do you work with someone whos always hard to track down? What are you here to do? Dr. Childs asks. Now I know to watch out for affinity bias, an unconscious tendency to align with people who are similar to us in appearance, beliefs, and background. (6) Experiment with behavior change to find out what will improve the situation. For example, suppose you were working on a project together, and the duration of the collaboration was almost over. No one wants to have a nemesis at work. Its essential to hold your ground and maintain your professionalism, but you cant do either of those without staying calm. Tell yourself it is not about you Avoid taking coworkers' words and actions personally. This involves talking to other people about the problem, in a non-confrontational and helpful way. Trapped in these negative dynamics, we find it hard to be our best selves or to improve the situation. Having studied conflict management and resolution over the past several years, Ive outlined seven strategies that will help you work more effectively with difficult colleagues. What assumptions have I made? This frames everything as your interpretations of a situation instead of blaming the other person for anything, keeping the conversation from getting hostile. Some workers are incapable of owning up to their mistakes and will always play the victim. Its important to remember the difference between a toxic coworker and one who is just having a difficult day or week. Low Heart Rate: What It Is and When to Worry. In other words, sucking it up doesnt usually decrease your stress level. Nine years earlier, theyd done a survey that showed employees felt it was a very command and control environment. Toxic coworkers can be hard to handle, but if you can grit your teeth and get through the workday without biting back, youre already heading towards a good coping strategy. But Ive found that with good-faith efforts and hard work, even some of the trickiest interpersonal conflicts can be resolved. Sometimes change isnt possible, in which case youll eventually need to cut your losses in a relationship and focus on protecting your career and well-being. According to a survey by Olivet Nazarene University, the number one source of tension in the workplace is interpersonal relationships. They may alleviate our pain in the short term but are ultimately bad for us, the other person, and our organization. You might be able to adjust their job responsibilities to leverage their strengths. Be an active listener. In other words, one bad apple can spoil the whole barrel.. Solution: This might be difficult, but try asking for their advice on a problem. Research has shown that its not just you who suffers the physical impact of suppression either. In a good week I could succeed. Be the first to rate this post. The first is to actually go against their ideas, so be prepared to fight fire with fire. Instead, when they try to pass their work on to you, be blunt and simply tell them that you have your own list of priorities but will be happy to offer your advice on a certain part of a project. For example, you might presume that a teammate whos late to a meeting is disorganized or disrespectful rather than caught in traffic or stuck in another meeting that went long. 3. For example, if youve tried to handle a colleagues lack of follow-through by sending post-meeting emails that confirm what everyone has agreed to do, but the person still fails to keep promises, then dont keep sending the emails expecting different results. Summary. Suppressing our emotions rarely helps. I ask this question because I want people to think expansively about how they might respond, and often, without constraints, they land on a strategy that might actually work (not punching someone in the face!). Discusses the issue at hand somewhere neutral or a place with an activity . Also, make it clear to this difficult co-worker that things aren't going to change if they continue to indulge in chronic complaining. Amanda is a writer with experience in various industries, including travel, real estate, and career advice. In a contentious moment, she recommends that the C-suite move toward a . Once were confident about somethingwhether its our ability to tap out a song or the solution to this quarters budget shortfallwe find it hard to imagine that others wont see it the same way. And the worst part of this difficult co-worker is that they tend to drag down the morale of the entire team. The difference is that while you might be able to snub someone at the supermarket, doing so at work could have an impact on your career. If its not prohibiting you from effectively doing your job or producing quality work, it may not be an issue. When they start exhibiting those traits, you can politely excuse yourself. DeltaQuest Media Limited. Tacklers A "tackler" is a coworker who attacks you personally while arguing an issue, according to Hakim. You may opt-out by. 2. When your colleague Jada starts complaining that shes doing more work than anyone else on the team, dont think, Here we go again with Jadas attitude. Early in my career I took a job reporting to someone who had a reputation for being difficult. Included in her experience is work at an employer/intern matching startup where she marketed an intern database to employers and supported college interns looking for work experience. What Is A Difficult Employee? Solution: If you find that the busybody is offloading to you on a daily basis, its time to set some obvious boundaries. 1. Look for people who are constructive, have your best interests at heart, will challenge your perspective when they disagree, and can be discreet. How would someone with different values and experiences see things? (5) Be very judicious in discussing the issue with others. If theyre in the kitchen when youre making a drink, be quick and get out you dont want to find yourself trapped in an endless conversation with them about how sh*t everything is. In one study 94% of respondents said they had worked with a toxic person in the previous five years. Set as much physical space as possible between your difficult co-worker and yourself. Dealing with a difficult coworker is a delicate matter. Find the answers. Solution: Its best to watch your own back in this type of situation and to CC your boss in every email exchange you have with the self-promoter so theyre aware of whats going on. Even if youre upset, you should let the other person talk and listen closely to what they say. Whether you need career advice, to find better work-life balance, or help developing your career, well always be in your corner. "These colleagues are so determined to score points with the boss that they block. Control Your Tone of Voice. you dont want to immediately respond to a situation thats upset you because you might lash out before you have time to cool off. Try to change the subject. Look, we all need to blow off steam sometimes. Follow these steps to deal with difficult coworkers: 1. They are a good way of reminding yourself that your view is just that: your view. Interpersonal conflicts like thatwith insecure bosses, know-it-all colleagues, passive-aggressive peersare common at work, and its easy to get caught up in them. When the conversation turns negative, simply leave and dont repeat the rumors. However, by learning how to handle difficult co-workers with professionalism and diplomacy, you can maintain positive relationships and foster a harmonious work environment.In this article, we'll explore some effective tips and examples to help you navigate these challenging situations. Figure out why your difficult coworker bothers you so much. Earlier in my career I worked with a clienta Black womanwhose ideas I hesitated to challenge, even though that was part of my job as a consultant. Track your attempts at addressing this difficult situation. Undermine your authority Theyre often slow, working up to the deadline when they could easily finish right away. They undermine any ideas that arent their own and they constantly disrupt team meetings to share their opinions (which, of course, are better than anyone elses). If you overcome the conflict, what will be different? First, they heighten the risk of confirmation bias. 10 Difficult Workplace Personalities and How to Deal with Them Many of us spend countless hours at work, and for the majority of full-time workers, more time may be spent at work than in any other context outside of one's home. I like the way that Bren Brown distinguishes between shame and guilt and explains their relative usefulness: I believe that guilt is adaptive and helpful its holding something weve done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort. You can identify your feelings and determine what actions or words were the cause. Similarly, dehumanizing a difficult coworker doesnt help. For example, suppose you were working on a project together, and the duration of the collaboration was almost over. After all, you know whos going to get the blame if things go south: you! By limiting your interactions, you'll also reduce the amount of frustration you feel when dealing with them. Think about how you may have caused your co-worked to treat you badly since they might be passive-aggressively responding to something you did that upset them. Even what we consider difficult behavior can be shaped by the prejudices we carry into the workplace. I vowed to stop caring so much about how she acted and to treat her with kindness. Its important to take into consideration who might be able to create a positive culture that promotes productivity, Dr. Childs says. Unfortunately, ignoring difficult people isnt an option when it comes to your job. You should discern if youre dealing with a coworker who is uncooperative, lazy, or downright mean. Editors note: Amy Gallo is the author of Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People) (Harvard Business Review Press, 2022), from which this article is adapted. After a while, the negativity can be grating. Its always a good idea to have a different opinion regarding workplace disputes, so you dont jeopardize your reputation in trying to resolve them. Fillable PDF Stay away from difficult coworkers if you don't have to work with them directly. Address the Offending Party Directly But worst case, gossip can be hurtful and create a workplace atmosphere of antagonism and resentment. This may turn them against you, though! For many employees, its a serious enough issue that it causes a problematic work environment that prompts the search for a new job. When youre having this conversation, try your best to use I statements (like I dont feel appreciated when you do this) as opposed to you (like you excluded me from the meeting). Alternatively, if this happens, you can simply own up to your mistakes, showing them that its really not the end of the world. Black Church, St. Marys Place, Dublin 7, Ireland. 1 Limit your time with them. For example, if you want to improve communication with a difficult colleague, you might decide that for two weeks youre going to ignore that persons tone and focus on the underlying message. Otherwise known as perfectionists, they arent necessarily bad but they can still be annoying, nonetheless. Solution: This is a case where its more productive to focus on yourself. Make a list of your goals (big and small) and then circle the most important ones. Youll want to stay professional, and reacting immediately could cause more issues if youre upset. The micromanager. Play devils advocate and question your own interpretation of the situation. Solution: Its hard to navigate around the Slider. 1. Its important to think things through when dealing with an unfriendly colleague, so try not to respond in the moment, but dont take months to address the issue either. However, it's worth thinking twice about. No. What can you do to improve things now, instead of waiting for someone else to change? Solution: The only way to deal with a negative Nancy is to avoid them at all costs. Ill call her Elise. She has a keen strategic mind. Dealing with difficult coworkers can be challenging, but it's important to maintain a positive attitude. This will show them that you are a person who will not tolerate disrespect and unprofessional behavior at work. It could reflect poorly on you instead of the person whos mistreating you. UK | Dont assume the tactic will fix everything wrong between you; view it as an experiment that will teach you something, even if its only that the approach doesnt work. What helped you achieve resolution? Social psychologists refer to that tendency as naive realism. Get some advice. You can also ask them to pitch a solution. When you find yourself in a spot where people are infecting you with cynicism, criticism, gossip or always wanting to be right, try to protect and insulate yourself by refusing to participate. These arent silver bullets that will magically transform your problem coworker into your best friend, but they should make your interactions more tolerable if not more positive. Journaling is a great way to put your thoughts into words and channel your negative emotions elsewhere. However, its worth thinking twice about. That said, the first thing you need to know about answering either of these questions is your interviewer will severely penalize you if you respond with: "I've never had a conflict with a coworker or team member.". When you learn that Marina in marketing also finds Michael in finance difficult and knows of others who feel the same, it fosters a sense of connection. Theres always a chance that theyre clueless about how their actions are impacting others. Challenge your own perspective by asking questions such as: How do I know that what I believe is true? Theyll soon give up when they know youre not playing! If you do have to get other people in, do some preparation. Provide enough details for the interviewer to understand the conflict easily. Let them know that this is not a comfortable space for you and not a topic you want to indulge in, Dr. Childs suggests. They may learn to trust you and be more inclined to hear your ideas. These types of coworkers dwell on problems and rarely offer solutions. Advertising on our site helps support our mission. The strategies you choose will depend on the context: who you are, who the other person is, the nature of your relationship, the norms and culture of your workplace, and so on. BetterUp, for example, can help you navigate these workplace relationships by providing objective guidance. And Marinas validation of your perspective gives you a rush of feel-good adrenaline and dopamine. Try something else. Analyze what norms and rules in your workplace have contributed to the behavior of your co-worker. Card payments collected by DeltaQuest Media Limited, company no. After that you should get some advice from your friends and family and then set some boundaries with the difficult coworker. Elise worked long days and on weekends and expected her team to do the same. BetterUp can help you learn how to deal with difficult coworkers and navigate these relationships. When I asked how he pictured their dynamic, he told me he saw a dark cloud over her head and a bright sun over his. But because that isnt always possible, self-care is pivotal.. Most importantly, toot your own hornin other words, publicly claim credit for everything you do. Best practices, research, and tools to fuel individual and business growth. Theyre always talking about the boss behind their back but would never dare say anything in front of their face and then they give you that eyeroll as if you, too, feel the same way about the manager.
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examples of dealing with difficult coworkers
