What I Learned Planning My Own Wedding

I wanted to take a break this week from our honeymoon content (blog post here) and document what I learned planning my own wedding in Chicago. This was my experience and I planned my wedding in seven months (I know, crazy). The fifteen important facts below are what I think would be important for a new couple that is in the beginning stages of planning a wedding, especially in a busy city! Comment below what you learned from planning your wedding 🙂

1. First things first, venues are expensive. I’m sure you have heard this growing up and attending your friends and families weddings but why venues need $20,000 is mind boggling. I mean, I get it, the venue is hosting the Couple and all the guests but since it (most often) does not cover the food, drinks, staff, tips or other vendors to be there….then does it really cost $20,000 to provide tables, chairs and table cloths? Also, fun fact: some venues do not provide those items within the total cost to rent the venue! The venue is typically the first thing booked after engagement and needless to say, this immediately sent me googling “how to arrange a marriage elopement” real fast.

2. The cost for a vendor fluctuates tremendously, so do your research. Couples have to reach out to each vendor (and most of the time it is numerous vendors within one category i.e photographers, videographers, caterers, bands, DJs, orchestras, other entertainment, florals, transportation, wedding planners/coordinators, rental decor agencies, invitations/thank yous, bakeries etc) because almost all vendors do not provide pricing on their website or social media. Talk about time consuming and having to be organized AF.

3. If you are planning on buying your wedding dress from a designer, you must start shopping at least 10 months ahead of time to provide enough time for your dress to be custom made and delivered to you in time. This allows some time to make any adjustments with a seamstress closer to the wedding date. If you’re in Chicago, check out Ultimate Bride! I LOVED my wedding dress and this s where I purchased it 🙂

4. If photography is an important part of your wedding, like it was for me, please please ask your photographer the following questions. Starting with how many weddings they typically schedule for a year, how many weddings they have scheduled already, if they do other types of photography (christmas cards, new baby, senior pics, family photos etc) as well as what their turn around time REALISTICALLY is for your completed wedding gallery to be provided to you. This goes for your videographer as well. 

5. When picking a wedding date and venue location, I suggest you google any major holidays/events/concerts etc in, near and around the location you are hoping to have your wedding. This not only affects traffic that weekend for you and your guests but it also can affect your big day in other ways. For example, I got married in Chicago on August 20, and that also happened to be the Chicago Air and Water Show (which I knew) but what I did not take into account was the photos I wanted of me and my husband with the Chicago skyline in the background were going to be limited (aka non existent) because the lakefront locations were all closed for the Air and Water Show. This was such a bummer. Red Hot Chilli Peppers and Kendrick Lamar were also performing concerts that weekend which also provided more traffic than usual. 

6. It is okay to be a partial Bridezilla. I say this because I am typically very certain in my decisions and would consider myself mostly a decisive person when it comes to myself. Unfortunately, I wanted to be the farthest thing from a Bridezilla and since I planned my wedding in 7 months I followed the wedding coordinator and venue event coordinators lead which resulted in my Memorial Table not being displayed the way I wanted it to be and none of our guests saw it. The Memorial Table might not be a huge deal to some but this was personally a huge part of our day and I put a lot of effort into finding the perfect frames and labels so our guests knew who was who in the photos. So, be insistent and communicate what you visualize each room looking like when you do a final walk through before the wedding date. 

7. If you want to have a more intimate wedding and do not want to invite Shelly and/or Mark from your office at work…then don’t. This is you and your partner’s day, not anyone else’s. If you’re still on the fence about this, ask yourself: if a plate of food costs you around $200, is it worth spending $400 on two people you invited because you felt the conversations in the office would be awkward after the wedding if they were not invited? Not only will it cost you at least $400 for food but this might make your bar package increase, additional menus, invitations, programs, and will possibly need another table/chairs and decor centerpiece. Something to think about. 

8. Set a wedding budget. I know, I know, everyone says it and nobody wants to hear it. But it is true, as mentioned above, the cost of anything for a wedding is SO VERY expensive, it is important to have a budget. Otherwise, you can blow your budget on just one vendor. Wish I was kidding!

9. In my opinion, it’s 2023, you can skip the “dated details.” Personally, I think programs and menus are a huge waste of money. Those could cost you a couple hundred of dollars for guests not to read them and to end up in the trash. Same goes with wedding favors, IMO, those are so dated. I suggest donating to a charity you and your partner choose instead. In order to save money, we also decided the bridesmaid and best man would have a bouquet and boutonniere but the MOG AND MOB did not have corsages (hellooooo 90’s) and the dads did not have boutonnieres. The dads were in tuxes though and I had the moms in the same color so everyone knew who they were. And I feel this goes without saying but just in case it does not, we absolutely did not have a garter or bouquet toss. Did I say hello 90’s yet?

10. Complete your hair and makeup trial prior to the wedding date. Many brides complete this the day of their bridal shower so they do not have to worry about their hair and makeup for that celebration day but whenever you do it, I HIGHLY suggest it. What I wish I did was have the hair stylist do a hair “down” look and an updo so I could see which one I preferred. That way, if it is a sunny day and you prefer your hair to be down, then you know what it will look like. Same goes for if it is raining and you’ll need your hair up. My wedding day was windy and raining and therefore I had to have a low updo that day. TIP: When getting your hair and makeup done, make sure to see yourself in different lighting and take photos/selfies of what you’ll look like in each one. This is important because if you are taking pictures outside on your day, you’ll want to know how you look versus what you’ll look like inside a dimly lit venue. 

11. Buy the shoes. Buy the shoes you want for your wedding day, but wear your comfortable shoes when it counts. We had photos all over the city of Chicago before our ceremony and I wore my comfortable heels so I was not miserable the rest of the day/ruined my expensive heels. I splurged on my shoes for the flat-lay photography and to wear at the ceremony and reception. I feel this is important too because if you have a future daughter that does not want to wear your wedding dress as her wedding dress, she can always wear your shoes! 

12. Read each and every contract twice, confirm all of your vendors provide proof of insurance to you and/or your venue and confirm all your contracts are signed by you/partner AND the Vendor. Do not move forward with payment/services until all parties (you/partner and the Vendor) signs the contract. Save each contract on a google drive so it is easy for you/Spouse and/or wedding coordinator to reference.

13. Tips. Everyone (Couple and Vendors) does this differently. I suggest you ask each Vendor if tips are included in services. What we did was I tipped my hair/makeup artists and provided a hot plated meal (same plated meal my guests received) for the Vendors who were present during the reception (ie month-of coordinator, photographer(s) and DJ) instead of a cash tip. I also paid for all my Vendors parking at my Venue.

14. Everything is negotiable. One of my married friends said this to me and my fiance while wedding planning and it was the best advice. Nothing is set in stone, you can always talk to the Vendors about your budget, what your vision is and how to work out a realistic price for your wants and needs. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying try to offensively low ball your Vendors BUT if the Vendor is unwilling to negotiate cost, talk about your needs/wants then to me, this is a red flag. For example, a Chicago wedding coordinator quoting me (80 person wedding) the same amount she would quote someone else having a 230 person wedding was something I was not interested in entertaining or paying. Can you tell this was a true story?

15. Paying for the month-of or day-of coordinator, is absolutely worth the money and a stress-free wedding day. I planned my own wedding and it was extremely stressful but I cannot imagine a wedding day without a day-of-coordinator. How else does the bridal party and guests stick to a timeline? Coordinators make the day run like clockwork and you/spouse/family never know if anything wrong happens during the day because the coordinator problem solves and just fixes everything. And before you think your friends/family will be in charge, don’t do that to them–they will be so happy if they can enjoy your day and not facilitate it. 

XOX