Since it seems to bother you to have no privacy, something has to change. It is not currently accepting answers. It's not that simple and it's not possible to give an absolute answer to those questions. If she asks for snooping through your phone again, ask her to give you her phone so that you can do the same. "I saw a hot girl across the bar and was far too wasted to remember I went to the bar with my girlfriend. Generally, you condemn your enemies. Eventually, we started having sex and I kept on seeing him a lot. My husband found out because. She will most likely talk to him about his life or interests, and she may even tell a little joke during the conversation. People make mistakes. Trust is the base of a relationship, and if that is missing, I suspect that needs to be fixed first. Also, using "condemning" is a strong word to use to describe some communication with a girlfriend. Ive decided to postpone the proposal for now but I did sit down and talked with her about how it made me feel and her reasoning behind it. The police told her she could come back and get her stuff which she never did and it is still here 11 months later. She told me I was crazy and demanded to know why. I can't eat, sleep and I still love her! I did put her clothing outside the door and she called police which put her clothing back in the apt. I think you really pointed at the core of the issue her. And if they do look without asking again, they will have broken their word not to do so, making another situation that must be dealt with. London. It could be emotional baggage from prior relationships, or maybe she had dysfunctional role models. Especially since he already said he doesn't agree with it and she just ignored that. As for your explanation of what might be disclosed, so what? I know what I did was stupid, petty, and creepy, but I'm really not that guy. Now, she made the choice to look into your phone, so what kind of tradeoff does that decision imply? How to decline a wedding invitation from a friend I haven't seen in years? Thanks Tom. tell her that you don't like it and what the consequences will be if you catch her doing it again), b) you respect her need to look through your phone and let her do it I share almost everything with my wife, for example. What, exactly, is it that you're concerned about?" Please let me know what you think. As someone thats lived through this scenario, Ill start out by saying that youre missing the point. Cookie Notice jaliyah and funnymike. Trust - if the relationship is strong enough you may feel that you should just be trusted. By the way, I think pretty much the first thought of people on this thread was that she suspected he was cheating, but for all we know, she could be checking what was the last pokemon he caught in Pokemon Go. Was she unhappy in this relationship? Many relationship experts would refer to your actions as "emotional cheating," or doing subtle actions behind your partner's back that could breach relationship trust. My gf and I haven't been together long, only 4 months. It gets every cheater over time." How to manage stress during a PhD, when your research project involves working with lab animals? Relationships are built on trust, snooping through your phone isn't trust. Archived post. "I foolishly let my girlfriend at the time take my laptop into the kitchen to 'play games on it.' "My husband saved the video to his phone and I didn't know. Is it ever OK to look at your partner's phone? She will be likely to show you her true self. tldr: went through my gf's phone, found out she cheated, she acknowledged something happened, not sure where to go from here. She might just need that extra boost. All rights reserved. This could be a way to rebuild trust but is usually temporary. Last night, we met up for a dinner date, and otw I had to stop by a friend's house to return something that I borrowed. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. It was terrible. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, 5% of women and 25% of men have had sex outside of their long-term relationship, . about six months earlier and she had sent me a few naughty texts/pics. 0 Reply. Im not saying to approach your partner with boxing gloves on, ready to fight. Whether you're a public figure who has been busted by the Internet or just a guy or girl who has . I'm not very familiar with Apple devices so I've avoided using anything other than email up until this past weekend. I can't even look at you in the face.' Does attorney client privilege apply when lawyers are fraudulent about credentials? Her and I both expressed that this was a boundary neither one of us wanted crossed, and up to this point, had been adhered to by both of us. It was perfect, really. Next time she rolls out the "Why does it bother you if you have nothing to hide?" This guy seemed very attracted to me and I enjoyed the attention I was getting from new people. Am I in the right or in the wrong? Im in a really tough spot, too, since we just moved in together and things were going quite well. In fact, it's not even about you, if she doesn't trust you, she has no reason to be with you in the first place. Consider your internet browsing history, for instance. Unfortunately, the answer depends on what you personally want in a relationship and what the both of you agree on. She cheated on me with one of her co-workers at her company party, and I decided to show up to surprise her. Thanks. "It was iCloud. I want to believe her but I don't know what to do. #1. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! 34. I agree that the things you listed above are important in a life partner, but you can be on the same page about all those things without having to give up your privacy. I woke up and . As someone who works in information security and encryption, this argument sounds nonsensical to me. She changed her passwords. Thats not to say you shouldnt break up with her, but your decision needs to come from you and nobody else. I'm sure even the first time she realized she was doing something wrong. Carelessness! So my girlfriend and I started off in an amazing but very fast paced relationship. Kitten's girlfriend showed my ex the nudes and he broke up with me via text. Thanks! In this way you turn the table speaking of something. As someone who works in information security and encryption. ask her why she must look through your phone and try to accommodate her differently), d) you differentiate a little be more a find a compromise So they understand that by asking, you will hand them to phone to look, but when they find nothing now you will be the one who needs answers as to why they felt the need to look. Weaseling out is not an option. You solution here needs to be mutual for your relationship to work. A now-deleted Reddit account posted this nightmare of a masturbation story: One time I had poison ivy but before I even realized it, I had masturbated. Why should she making a problem out of nothing? Which is why many of us will consider looking through your boyfriends phone to . Eventually, we started having sex and I kept on seeing him a lot. Of course, these are just for fun as we can't independently authenticate them. As a relationship coach, Jessica has helped hundreds of men and women achieve their relationship dreams. She knew something was suspicious so she waited for me to get off work. Privacy Policy. And then she just said "well I'm super embarrassed". The "nothing to hide" argument is flawed. I didn't find what I was looking for and now I'm the one in trouble. My suggestion is that you have a discussion about how her taking your phone to look through it makes you feel, and how an alternative is for her to ask you to show her your phone messages (with the understanding that there may be spoilers of any surprises you are planning for her etc) but that overall you need to look at how to improve trust until she doesn't feel she needs to look at your messages. There might be exceptions for you but clearly, this is not s.th. The implications of either asking to go through your significant other's phone or being sketchy and doing it behind your partner's . This is good advice for everyone who wants to be in relationships defined by lack of trust, antagonism, the desire to outcompete and belittle the other, etcetera. STAY TUNED!#KristenandReafe month-long fling with one of my coworkers. Her and I both expressed that this was a boundary neither one of us wanted crossed, and up to this point, had been adhered to by both of us. Having said that, those with insecurities tend to carry themselves differently - and likely because they do, in fact, have something to hide. - out of interest, does she go through your phone? How do I confront her about it without looking like the bad guy?. It sounds to me like she is feeling insecure. Which is the foundation of any romantic relationship.' She dumped me, cut off all contact, deleted me from Facebook and keyed my car at work one day." She told me she had gone to a different party, thanked me for my apology, but that we'd talk the next day. She was very aloof with me this week and we have a history of her hiding things from me or not communicating her feelings. 1. Some cheaters are more sloppy than others. Thank you. For the people who offered advice, thank you. (e.g. I tried to turn it around, 'Why are you looking at my phone?!' Now What? Maybe this is cultural, but that is how I interpret this answer. She had actually just turned the water on to let it warm up first. In August 2021, a woman caught her boyfriend cheating after spotting four telltale signs in a photo he posted online. Tl;dr I was planning to propose to my girlfriend today on Christmas and I caught her going through my phone, now I dont know if I should. Which spells benefit most from upcasting? This question is opinion-based. By "insisting" on a blanket rule, you are forcing a one-sided rule into your relationship, where she doesn't even get the chance to be trustworthy. Privacy is privacy, she shouldn't be snooping; there are other women you could be with. Does a partner have the 'right' to do this? A partner is a step on the road to life partner. She has insecurity issues but isn't an hypocrite. But no, you didn't overreact and no-one has the 'right' to invade your privacy. Regardless, what I found still hurt me. Every week, I get asked some variation of the following question: I know I shouldnt have, but I looked through my girlfriends cell phone. The first step is to cop to it right away. I woke up the next day feeling off about the whole thing so I decided to confront her about it peacefully and respectfully. Now, or in the future, but only if they ask. "I was in college and dating a girl when a buddy and I decided to do a road trip. You have not been close lately After catching your spouse cheating and they say you have been distant, they are trying to make themselves the victim. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. To not make this any longer than it has to be: I have her ring with me already and when I came back to the table after excusing myself to the restroom I caught her going through my messages and now Im feeling uneasy about proposing. Maybe you feel sick to your stomach every time she goes out and you don't know where she is. Connect and share knowledge within a single location that is structured and easy to search. For all of you that have already checked the cell phone, and that stumbled upon some suspicious text messages or phone calls, I gently say to you wake up. Answer (1 of 22): I am not going to sugarcoat it- Why the hell do you feel confused for or upset that she left? All relationship issued do. I'd slept over at her place and I'd woke up late for work and rushed out of the house, leaving my phone on her nightstand. Assuming you want to ask for a solution to this problem after I didn't give you a straight answer, I would suggest the following: You found a point where you two clearly disagree on the right to read through the phone messages of the other person without explicit permission. I like your bluntness :-) but this will backfire badly. So the implications of these principles are in conflict. Nobody likes the person that they become when they are consumed with waiting for their partner to go to the bathroom so they can pounce on their phone and quickly scroll through texts. Of course, this is just an anecdote, and a sample size of 1 means nothing, but I started doubting. - Redditor beefwich. I'm going to prefix this by saying that I already know what I'm doing is wrong. Ont eh way back I noticed a guy sitting in a car with his head back, I looked closer and found out that my wife was going down on him. We were on a getaway out of town. She loses: your trust, also you get annoyed, and this screws up the relationship. If a good friend of yours opens up to you with a secret he does not want anyone else to know, I'm pretty sure he does not expect this including your SO. You should be the one leaving her after knowing she cheats. I'll just give you the benefit of the doubt that that's not the case. Her going through your phone, to me shows a lack of trust. My friends and family insist that the best thing I can do is move on with my life, but its easy for them to say. And to answer your question. People arent perfect. I made a mistake. But this isnt true. Tell her that youre this close to breaking up with her and that she has to earn you back. *SHE WENT CRAZY* INTRO SONG BY: KSO Support his Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/ksoscumhis Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ksoscum/?hl=enThanks for tuning in! If so, how did you navigate it? I haven't heard from her. I wanted her to leave, so I said that a friend (whom I never hang out with) was picking me up. Does she say she loves you back? I would simply use your information security and encryption magic and encrypt the device, or simply put a passcode onto your phone and change it regularly. Reddit, Inc. 2023. This is an important step so that you can get to the heart of her possible infidelity and decide to work on forgiving her and rebuilding the relationship or ending it. -. What I did was shallow and low and I regret it. is simply "Because you've shown you don't trust me, and doing it repeatedly sets a pattern that you won't ever trust me in future, and if you won't ever trust me then our relationship has no future. But, I've been with my girlfriend for a year and a half, and I love her so much and everything is great, except the fact that I have this . Beyond that would be out the scope of the question and down to your own reaction to the situation. I would love to hear what you did and how it turned out. Closed 5 years ago. It was perfect, really. This ridiculous behavior should not be tolerated as it already show her lack of trust, and should be remedied immediately if you both are to continue the relationship. I knew as soon as I saw him that he had. , you know how devastating it can be, and probably have little empathy for cheaters who get caught. English is not my native language, so it's very much possible that I am not using the correct (or too strong) words for what I try to confer. She'd seen me on the news the night before, being interviewed at a festival, with another girl sitting on my lap." so she waited for me to get off work. Of course, these are just for fun as we can't independently authenticate them. Follow our Vlog Channel for more content (Kristen \u0026 Reafe Vlogs): https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnINceySVDko9b8aCXnRd6AMy Girlfriend Caught Me Getting TOP In Her Car! There are constantly stories on here from guys and girls (mostly guys) who ask for advice on how to confront a cheating girlfriend after they found evidence in the offending party's phone. If this was not true, she would simply have thought "If I look through his phone, he's gonna feel hurt, and I want him to be happy, so I'm not gonna do that.". By clicking Sign up, you agree to receive marketing emails from Insider If she spoils her surprise, it's her loss. Not ideal, and it will likely take some back and forth. The flip side, which you may or may not come to realize, is that having one person in your life to whom you provide complete access can be very special, too. Shes talking to her ex. Somethings up and you can feel it in your gut. You, on the other hand, assign more value to your privacy than to her being reassured by not finding anything in your phone. That may or may not be because you've given her reason to doubt you, but while your boundaries are important, how you approach this should be based on her rationale.
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my girlfriend caught me going through her phone
